Am I a closet binge eater?

This may be one of the more embarrassing things I admit in public but here goes....I binge eat. I don't do it to extremes, just the odd packet of biscuits now and then, but you know, I can handle it.... 

Chocolate biscuits are my favourite binge I can eat a whole packet in sitting (or standing, maybe even lying down if you push me over). Tubs of ice-cream is another or big bars of chocolate. Then there's crackers and cheese for a savory binge. Crisps. Oh and rice cakes and hummus with tomato and/or cucumber and for a healthy binge.

Binge eating is more likely to go unnoticed in men. Maybe we don't talk about. Maybe medical practitioners aren't trained to spot eating disorders in men. Maybe it's more socially acceptable for men to be overweight and overeat?

I doubt that I'd qualify as a serious case but I've gone through the binge eating check list for men and I ticked a lot of boxes. Here's the list: 

Do you repeatedly eat large amounts of food in short periods of time, without purging? (yes, mostly biscuits and I never purge)

Do feel out of control around food? (not sure it's a feeling, don't they know not to ask men about their feelings! Ask us about actions. I act out of control around biscuits sometimes)

Do you eat in secret or hiding food? (God I have done that, now it's mostly others who hide food from me. Jokes! No I do binge alone mostly and yes sometimes I'm secretive about it.)

Do you eat regardless of hunger and until uncomfortably full (Damn I do sometimes yes)

Do you eat to relieve difficult feelings (all these questions about feelings are making me want to eat too many biscuits!)

 Do you feel shame, self-hatred, disgust or despair after overeating? (No I don't. I like biscuits. Maybe I should feel bad and wrong and shamed and then I'd stop it) 

Do you frequently diet or take other measures to control weight and eating habits (Actually in the last couple of years I haven't, again,  maybe I should).

I'm currently 21 lbs overweight and at increased risk of poor health as a result and this is mostly, I think, because I binge on biscuits. I've been increasing McVitie's profits and expanding my waistline because I don't manage my desire to eat too many biscuits. How ridiculous does that sound? 

And after nine days of healthy eating I had my first mini binge this week where I caught myself standing in the kitchen (I don't know how I got there, must have been an alien abduction). I was baking low-fat flapjacks because there're no biscuits in the house (I made sure of that)---and then I ate the lot, well all but one (I have some standards).

Why did I do it? I was tired, I was pushing myself to carry on working late in the evening when my body and brain were tired and saying "stop" and then I binged. 

Overworking isn't the only reason I'm overweight but there's definitely a link. I think I've created binge eating as a compensatory reward for all the hard work I'm making myself do----and I'm most vulnerable to binge eating after 9pm often (not always) when I'm overly tired and instead of heading for bed I head for the biscuits.

My name's Glen, this is my first Binge Eaters Anonymous meeting and I haven't had a binge for 24 hours.

For more information see: 

NHS Binge Eating Advice
Binge Eating In Men
Binge Eating More Likely To Lead To Health Risks In Men
Binge Eating: The 'Forgotten' Eating Disorder That Is More Common In Men 
Do More Men Than Women Have Eating Disorders?
Men Get Eating Disorders Too

DAY TEN NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 5lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 36-39 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Walked and ran 3-4 miles,  drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, binged on flapjacks (oops)

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